some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
