i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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