beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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