My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
