Michael Bay diarrhea
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
