dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
