so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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