so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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