so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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