i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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