This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
