Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
