Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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