Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
