in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
