He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
