He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
