Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
