just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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