i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
