so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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