I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
