yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I pour the whiskey from now on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
