His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
