Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
