I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
