Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
