I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
