Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
