I hope mine doesn't look like that
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
