so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
