we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
