how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
