I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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