I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i came on her dog
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
