i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
