I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
