maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
