dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
