I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
