I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
