he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
