If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
