Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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