i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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