I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
