Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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