I need help removing her.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
