well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
