What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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