just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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