wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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