oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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