May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
