I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i love accidental penises.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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