I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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