omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
