I just cut my nipple shaving
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
